How to Include Your Mom on Your Wedding Day
Your wedding day will be one the fastest days of your life, a total blur. Not only are you making a commitment to your partner, you are also seeing all of your people in one room, some of which you likely haven’t seen in a minute or two. It can feel like a lot, so having a plan to include the people who matter most to you set in place before the big day, ensures that you don’t forget to show your appreciation and love.
Our moms often do so much for us and as a wedding planner, having to look at the bride’s mom at rehearsal and tell her that she will just be seated in the front row during the ceremony (knowing that she also doesn’t get a dance with her daughter later on..) truly pains me. Moms (brides and grooms) traditionally get the shaft on wedding day, but “traditional” is a thing of the past and we are loving all the fun and creative ways today’s brides are finding to include the moms in their lives. So, here are eight great ways to include your mom on your wedding day.
1. Involve her in the planning process.
This is a definite personal call. But maybe your mom is great at organization or budgeting and her skills could be put to use helping you stay on schedule or budget. It’s important to define roles and responsibilities early. If you love to plan and have very different ideas than your mom; it might be best to ask for help with one off tasks to help keep potential tension at a minimum (mom relationships are complicated, who are we kidding??) Maybe she can be in charge of making the seating chart or setting up guest transportation plans. Important tasks that help make sure she feels included in the planning process!
2. Get ready together.
Huge fan of this one! Our moms have known us our whole lives, likely holding our hands through many major life milestones and your wedding day is definitely a milestone. Not only will having her there with you help to quell any nerves, inviting her to join you and your wedding party to get ready will likely make her giddy! If you want to take it a step further, offer to buy her a new dress or pay for her hair and/or make up to be professionally done for the wedding. She’ll feel beautiful as she watches her little girl get married and what a gift to give her!
3. Do a first look with her!
There are hundreds of reasons you may opt to not have your mom there all morning long. Another way to include her is to do a first look with her once you’ve finished getting ready. Your planner or photographer will be happy to help coordinate this. Or maybe you don’t want to do a formal first look, you could have mom zip up your dress to finish the process or have her help put your jewelry on (maybe it’s even her jewelry!). Having your photographer there will help to capture some pretty shots, but even more so, you’ll have the memory of these sweet moments with your mom.
4. Have her walk you down the aisle.
This is such a simple and sweet gesture. Having your mom join you and your dad down the aisle will likely make her feel very appreciated and loved. Or maybe your mom raised you on her own, this moment will likely be a huge honor to her if that is the case. Be sure to give her a hug before she takes her seat at the front. We recommend practicing and talking about the flow of this at rehearsal and also let whoever is setting your ceremony seating know that you will need a wider aisle for a group of three.
5. Have her by your side as you say “I do”.
More couples are opting to not have a wedding party at all. There are many reasons couples are choosing to not have wedding parties. If you are really close with your mom and the idea of standing up there with no one behind you makes you a little nervous, ask your mom! You could call her your MOH or you could just call it having your mom next to you when you make a huge commitment, either way, we are here for it!
6. Display her wedding photo.
Seeing you get married may bring up a lot of memories of your moms own wedding. Displaying a photo of your mom on her wedding day is a great way to say, “I love you”. We worked with a bride last fall that had a photo wall of all the wedding photos of her family members with a seating area. It created a great place for guests to take photos and it was wonderful to see wedding photos from the past! The bride pictured here is holding her parents wedding photo.
7. Thank her.
After toasts wind down, the newlyweds will often say a big thank you; thanking guests for coming, wedding parties for being there, and their parents. Adding in something special just for mom is a great way to show her your appreciation. If your mom would prefer something a little less public, you could always thank her with a sweet hand written note and a small gift. Maybe a new necklace to wear that day that she can keep forever to remember the day by.
8. Have a special dance.
There is a whole portion of the night devoted to “special dances”. Traditionally, the bride will dance with her dad, but what about mom? You could have a whole song for her or maybe work with your DJ/planner to coordinate a surprise part way through your dance with dad to have mom cut in. Another way we have seen a bride show her mom a little love during the father/daughter dance was to pause the father/daughter dance with her dad to get her mom’s partner to finish out the dance with. It really touched her mom’s heart and you could tell it meant a lot. Get creative with it, especially if your mom loves to dance.
These are just a few ways we have seen brides include their moms in the wedding day and planning process. They won’t work for every bride, mom or family but hopefully they help you consider how you are going to show mom appreciation on your special day. We can’t wait to see how you decide to include mom on your wedding day!